Auntie’s Antics

by kpmautner

Back when I was busy practicing law, part of my job was fraud investigation.  We received a death claim on a substantial policy on a woman who died abroad.  She’d been on pilgrimage, fell into a “raging river” (witness’s remark) and drowned.  The body washed up two weeks later, and a bit later the beneficiary submitted the claim for the policy proceeds.  So what, you say?  These things happen.

Well, something didn’t smell right (and I’m not talking about auntie and her two weeks in the river).

The person who identified the body said he was the nephew.  He identified the body by what he said was a deformed toe.  So far, so good.

Police investigation showed that auntie’s body surfaced in the wrong river, approximately 1500 miles from where she should have been, at least according to the beneficiary’s explanation.  OK, mistakes can happen.

The autopsy report showed a female of the correct age, in the correct state of health (at least prior to her immersion).  The report added that this female was of the appropriate height and weight, with all of her female plumbing intact and dental records confirmed all teeth present and accounted for, including wisdom teeth.  So what, you say?

A review of the medical examination taken prior to issuing this substantial life insurance policy showed a female of this height, weight, age, etc.  Previous medical history showed a total hysterectomy approximately fifteen years before, and extraction of all wisdom teeth.

Amazing the regenerative talents of this person.